The Dad Routine

During my childhood, routine was not something that you defined or you had control over. It was something that you would follow as the whole household followed what my father defined, discipline due his service with the Indian Air Force. You are supposed to get up at 6, get ready, go to school, come back study, play, then watch Disney hour and then pretend to study. Have dinner and lights out at 10 PM. A version of this continued till I was in school.

In college, I tried to imbibe the routine that my father mentioned that he did in his adulthood to remain fit and ahead of the curve. So you get up at 5:30 AM, jogging one hour/ played football on weekends, then come home have breakfast, wait for him to leave, watch TV till morning movie on Star Movies gets over (he did not do this as television was not so easily available earlier), read newspaper for 2 hours, go to college (afternoon college), come back read up and then lights out at 10 PM. It was the Dad routing.

Did the same in both my following post graduate courses. Imbibed what he did. It was like my brain was attuned to it, to the Dad routine.

When I started working, now I was the one defining things, I had a choice to change and do things the way I wanted. But 20 years of routine kicked in and I followed the same. Get up at 5:30, work out, yoga, office, come back, read newspaper and lights out at 10. New version but the same aspects. (You can understand I liked to read newspaper a lot.. a lot..). It was the Dad routine in play again.

I got married the routine did not change, the evening newspaper time got displaced sometimes with movie time but nothing much. Rather I influenced my better half to follow the cue. Get up at 5:30, work out, yoga, office, come back, read newspaper and lights out at 10. 

All this while the routine was often a topic of discussion in my office/friend circle and was attributed to me being disciplined and driven. The 20 years of training and my father leading by example, even when we stayed in a place with temperature of -1 degrees was never brought up, neither did I ever bothered to, I liked the attention. 

As time passed by, my routine became a synonym of my punctuality, discipline and methodical approach at work. I liked everything planned to the T. This methodical approach helped me excel in my work and manoeuvre a lot better than my peers. I did not get bogged down that easily, as the routine helped me nibble a mountain to dust with time. I got praised for being methodical, I enjoyed the limelight, did not think to attribute it to the 20 years of training. The Dad routine has been the armour that had deflected many problems for me.

Finally, the time has come when I have become a father, got blessed with a son. It has been an year, my routine has changed every 3 months. The bugger is growing fast. I often lag behind on my personal project, my guitar practice time, my book reading time, helping my better half with chores, supporting her with her projects. Trust me I did all that 1.5 years back. Luckily we have tried to maintain my sons routing of getting up at 5:30, play/sleep/eat during the day and lights out at 8:30 PM for him.

I was not leading by example with a Dad routine, at least I should once he grows up.

Now the question comes in such a short time, while I love my son from the bottom of my heart, I am not been able to keep up with the routine I practiced for 30 years, why? I keep creating plans to execute projects, but I released I get not more than 3 hours in a week. So I need to ration those 3 hours well. As you can see I am already making excuses and figuratively pointing fingers. I am not sure if my dad has similar spell where he did not follow the Dad routine.

I hope that soon I too can build my version Dad Routine, lead by example no matter what day it is, how tired I am, what is the weather. My father is 64 now and he is still working with the same Dad routine. I am trying to carve out a routine, that is durable and not malleable, that is inspiring and not depriving, that can be passed on like a treasure. I am trying to be better at prioritising different aspects and better manage the trade offs in life. It is a constant effort. It not like a battle but like a long form meditation, where you focus on the rhythm rather than the outcome. I know I might not always succeed but point is not to succeed but constantly keep the routine on. I am simplifying things, reducing distractions and focusing on the long game. And finally have a Dad routine…