Beliefs, Validation and Kindness

I wrote this post 9 years ago when I was living in the US. Surprisingly, most of it feels true even today. I published it on Medium then. Moving it to thinkdeli now.

I was at work. I was browsing a news website. A colleague walked in unannounced. He saw my screen and said “yaane aap congress wale ho” (So, this means you are a congress supporter!). His tone was almost accusatory. This was not the first time someone had classified me in this political camp. And certainly, not the first time I was accused of belonging to this camp.

Our political beliefs put us in different camps. To validate these beliefs we may align ourselves to the news channels and papers that support the political ideology of our choice. I have seen this phenomenon in India. I have seen this in the USA as well.

Media houses choose sides because they do not want to be in the middle. They will end up alienating all the users. They want to move over to one side and get at least half the audience. A news channel that serves 100% of the population might be too boring to watch. Individuals, on the other hand, choose sides for non-business reasons. They may like a political party because they really believe in that party. Sometimes, the reasons are more basic. For example, we may believe stuff because our family believes it.

Our ideas and beliefs are sacrosanct. We cling to them with all our might. We hold them so close that sometimes we can’t see them properly. If someone attacks them we get offended. But does this mean what I believe is the ultimate truth? Does someone still have the right to criticize me? No and yes.

During some conversations I have noticed my heart pounding hard. This happened when someone attacked my dearly held beliefs. I used to take such comments personally. I saw it as an attack on my identity. But I have learnt that I can’t change someone’s beliefs by fighting them. Certainly, not when my heart is pounding with anger. Each one of us must realize our truth in our own way. No one likes to be challenged. I do realize that the same thing applies to me. When I yell at someone to criticize their views, I am alienating them further.

I feel this is the general situation of political dialogue in India. You never know when you may be offending someone. But this attitude prevents development of a mature political conversation. Such conversation is absolutely essential for the growth of a democracy. There isn’t only one way to live your life. So we have to accept the best of all that is out there. Only then can we progress.

I firmly believe criticizing someone’s dearly held beliefs and showing them that they are wrong is a worthy cause. But this criticism has to be kind. The tone of political discourse is hostile. That needs to change. Let us remember to be kind. Let us try to further this conversation through this blog.