Dad was happy
Year 2008, I was in 7th standard. Infact I had just completed 7th standard.
I came 4th overall across all sections. Only student to score full marks in maths theory part. I didn’t know back then, but this was my peak academic performance, it has all been downhill since then - academically.
We’re on our ride back from school, me and my dad, on the bike.
Couldn’t see his face coz he was driving and I am sitting behind.
He was happy, he told me he was happy.
That day dopamine peaked and in hindsight, the dopamine system broke permanently?
Coz I’ve done it, I’ve proved myself, its done, its over!?
(yeah I know I loosely used the word dopamine, its actually a combination of neurotransmitters, but you know I mean)
This is who I’ve been for a while now, I ran a full marathon - 42kms, back in Oct 2018, and then I stopped running for about 4 years after that. Why? Coz its done. I wanted to do it, did it. Story over.
And in my mind, small wins just don’t do it as good as a big win can. Daily dopamine where?
Me: “Here take a small win”
Brain: “No thanks, sorry, not good enough”
Sigh. Don’t mind me, just rambling.
But dad was happy that day, and I am still happy about that.
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