Gift of Confidence

As a kid, I was very sure of my abilities as well as inabilities. I knew I was good at math and knew I was terrible at drawing. I could see that in the speed with which I could solve math problems and also could see it in the horrible color combination I used for modern art class. I don’t know when I started becoming unsure of things that I was so sure about. I recently felt it very strongly when I started working at Microsoft 10 months back.

I had interviewed at 3 dream companies from my field and had gotten offers from all of them. With this kind of interview record, any sane person would feel very sure of herself. But here I was feeling like a complete impostor. With any new job, you are diving into unknown water. There are lots of words or jargon that you are not yet familiar with. I was used to all of that, this was my 5th Job in the past 12 years of experience. I had worked in various areas of electronics engineering and had managed to excel in each of them. But still in my first month I was always afraid that someone will figure out that I am a fraud and I won’t be able to deliver the work as expected. I was afraid of speaking in meetings, due to the fear of asking stupid questions. I never expected this to happen. Not after working for this many years in various companies and situations. 

At the end of two weeks Satya asked me how is new job is going and I started to cry. I voiced all the fears that I had bottled up in those two weeks. We didn’t have any magic solution but talking to him and being assured of my abilities helped in boosting my confidence. In the coming months I tried to be more mindful of this feeling. Also here are a couple of things that helped me .

• Always prepare in advance for a meeting so that you are not caught off guard. Being prepared always gives you extra confidence. 

• If you are feeling unsure of asking questions in big forums, try asking those questions in smaller settings, perhaps in a 1:1 conversation. In most cases you have great colleagues who are ever ready to answer your questions. 

• Accepting, that you or anyone else for that matter won’t know everything even when you are working in the field for long. It is okay and no one is expecting you to know everything. Just imagine how boring the work would have been if there were no unknowns and nothing to learn. 

• When feeling unsure, voice your fears to someone. An assurance from your friend or family goes a long way. 

In recent years I have heard about this a lot in podcasts or women forums at the workplace. A lot of women feel like impostors at work. I don’t know if it is the nature of a woman or if it is our social setting. I am not saying that all feel this way but perhaps the majority of women do. This is why I am in awe of the confident women colleagues that I have met over the years. I also see that this confidence has come after a lot of hard work. I hope one day I will also gain this gift of confidence and am able to inspire someone else.