My love-hate relationship with chess

I reached my highest ever bullet rating on lichess today.

Chess is something which I mainly picked during grad school - when my motivation for research was at an all time low. I knew the rules as a kid, could calculate decently, and generally played well against friends. Though, it was a game which I rarely played (maybe about 20-30 games during my entire childhood). What was interesting was I would take a lot of time to calculate - which I now think is impressive as that meant I could really concentrate for a long time. 

Most of the chess playing I have done is during stressful times. As, it does two things - 1) Takes your mind off from the thing that is causing you stress (though, it only delays the stress!) 2) Provides an intellectual kick (however small). For a long time, I would always feel guilty about playing chess. Because, it meant taking away time from the thing that I should actually be doing.

It is only recently, that I have started playing chess just to enjoy it. While, my competitive tendencies to become good at anything I do, do kick in, largely I play chess without any goals in mind to achieve. 

Btw, shoutout to lichess.org, the chess server where I play. It is one of the most impressive open-source websites.