Being Fearful 

Today is day 4 of my otherwise always active, never caught doing nothing mom, feeling under the weather, having fever, she's 73,. What's so fearful with a little fever you may ask? 

The reference to context totally charges when you hear the other side of the story..

My father a healthy, fit, strong willed man, who celebrated his 75th birthday on 7th August ,2024, had an early Rakhi celebration, invited the family to a lovely intimate birthday celebration, celebrated my daughter's birthday in his true style with a picnic at a park.. Suddenly left us on 15th August to become a ⭐ 

Now back to that Fever.. and that Fear.. Everything after my Father passing is over exaggerated, over precautious, overwhelming..

Me now being the primary care-giver and child in India, living with my mother, and responsible for her care..My brother and his family  not here, so after 15th August, my mother going for a regular evening walk, feels like a lump in my throat, a lump of what one may ask-

 Lump of anxiety,lump of the unknown, lump of stress, lump of the unknown, lump of worry ,till she steps back into the house.So, this fever that a bacteria has caused is killing me, watching her not be herself, and be in bed and dread that with time this will increase and to watch your parents age is not graceful at all.. It's the toughest place to be in, experience up close and live with. Sending strength and hugs to all of us who are experiencing caring for our Darling parents and yet Suffering with the fear, fear of the inevitable, the known yet unknown till we actually experience the big loss.