“Nobody should have to outlive their child”

Recently happened to see “The Buckingham Murders” on Netflix. Apart from the very clickbaity name, the rest of the movie is quite a beautiful piece of art. And it has left me thinking for long after it has ended.

While the movie’s acting, direction, editing, costumes, locations, etc, are excellent, this is not a cinema review post. However, the movie's authentic portrayals have stirred a deep seated fear in me : losing one’s child. 

(It is not a spoiler. It's there in the trailer)

A mother feels her child growing right from the time it is a foetus. How its tiny hands and feet move in her, how it decides to stretch and occupy a large space in her tummy and an even larger one in her heart, how she is super paranoid about the smallest of things going wrong, are feelings all too well known to an expectant mom. The paranoia takes over completely after the child has arrived. What to feed, what to clothe, whether it is too hot or too cold, how much stimulation is too much, hardly a minute goes by when the mother is not thinking if her baby. It is for years to come that the mother is preparing her child’s mind, body and emotions for.

Then comes a day when the child is no longer there. It is unfathomable to imagine the sheer dimensions of sorrow that the mother would undergo. It must be the extremes of pain no matter the age of the child, but a young one leaving untimely is a whole different ballgame. How does a parent look at the lifeless face of the one whose every morsel of food they had fussed over?How would a mother hold her child's fingers and not feel them curl around hers? How does she hold on to the last piece of garment the child was wearing? How does a parent get the strength to get up the next day? Wouldn't she want to set fire to the world around her? What stops her? Is it the thought of hurting someone else's child?

Some scenarios are too dreadful to be imagined. These are some of the them.