A Beautiful Mind

She is quick to hug someone she gets good vibes from, quick to always compliment a kind-hearted person, with nothing expected in return. When passionate, she engages in a task or topic with intense dedication. Once trust is built, she deeply values and protects relationships. She is not swayed by groupthink or social conformity and is often guided by her personal values!

How many “normals” behave like this? What’s normal, anyway? Isn’t what’s called “normal” actually quite abnormal, seriously? So many “normals” are pressured to conform, overriding their values or independent thinking. Ah, and this polished but insincere empathy, it’s trending!

She doesn’t prefer crowded places or mass education setups. And so, the near and dear were quick to suggest a “special handicap schooling setup.” I’m not against special educators - they do focused work with real results. But just because a child doesn't fit the “regular” box, must we push them into another one? How many adults who suggested that setup actually knew her well enough to say that? Mindset - a fixed way of thinking or seeing the world.

I remember being at a cousin’s place some years ago. It was a pleasant evening. We were out playing in the neighborhood - few kids, including some older ones. I saw my kid genuinely happy, simply meeting new humans. I won’t call them “friends.” She asked each one their name, shook hands, and asked about their day. It was/is her natural way. The cousin’s kid - one year younger than mine , got uncomfortable. He looked at his group, signaled toward his head, looked at her, and muttered, “There’s a problem here. Ignore”.

It hurt. Introspection helped. It's not my kid’s problem. It’s not mine either. It’s his problem. Poor boy. Upbringing - The way a person is brought up or raised—
how they are guided, cared for, disciplined, and shaped during childhood.

‘Majority norms’ are like an invisible dress code—most people wear the same style without thinking, but someone who wears something different might be stared at, even if their outfit is beautiful in its own way. What if I say you are the ‘special(problematic)’ one - you, who grew up without the basics of empathy or genuine communication? Do you know you don’t even have the basic human decency to respect others at home,on road? To treat people right, equal ? She respects people. She is warm to everyone. When she sees someone unhappy, she doesn’t hesitate to ask not once but multiple times!

I love to smile while staring straight into ‘their’ eyes (inherited the quality from my father). It’s my best response to anything I don’t want to deal with. It saves my time and energy, and it fizzles down the nonsense. 

At a family gathering (last minute plan) last month, 'a near acquaintance' remarked, “Get her to more get-togethers - whatever it is, don’t be shy, it’s okay”. The aunt and her entire clan have never bothered to understand why our social gatherings are well-planned and never hasty or last minute. Just because the kid is selectively social doesn’t mean ‘she’s retarded and I am shy about it’. I smiled here. Said nothing in defense. My aunt (and many others above like her) would have raised her eyebrows all the way to her hairline if she could decipher this smile of mine then. Well, I will decipher it for you now - 

“Poor you, you look at my child like a project that needs fixing, huh? But you never sat beside her in silence. Never saw her noticing more than others ever do.You think you are being kind, being helpful. But you are just… clueless. You wear your ‘normal’ like a badge - not aware that it's mostly just fear to not step out of your herd, dressed in routine. And I smiled - not because I agreed. But because I saw it clearly: The problem isn’t with her. It’s with you!”

Well, I smiled here.

Yes, there are exceptions in both ‘neurotypical’ and ‘neurodivergent’ people. Many neurotypical individuals do have the best of human nature: warmth, flexibility, deep care, and creativity. And many neurodivergent individuals also struggle with impulsivity, emotional overwhelm, and rigid thinking. Just like all humans do, in different ways.

I tell myself to stay grounded in this truth — but the moment someone calls my child a “special child” it still hurts. I shouldn’t get offended. Whom am I answerable to - these ‘normals’? If a child or adult can be kind without needing a rulebook, speak without fakeness, and love without agenda - then maybe it’s these “normals” that needs therapy, not her!