Malti

Audio version
I sat at a corner table in a small cafe, listening to everything Malti told me.

We talked for hours, and when we left, she had that sense of relief, which I wanted to see at the end. Sometimes, it is hard for me to feel what she goes through, but as a human and her close friend, I come very close to how difficult it is for her.

Malti has been my neighbour since we were around 6 years old. She used to be a chubby girl. Nothing used to excite her, not studies or sports, but now, when I look at her, she has a well-maintained physique and has found her path by working hard towards her goals.

How does one define these goals? What outcome do we all try to chase by our goals? It can be money, status, content, etc. Most of us set these goals and spend around 80% of our lives chasing them. But for Malti, goals were not ordinary. Having spent my whole childhood with her, I knew what drove her: the desperate need to feel accepted, just... feeling worthy.

This story isn't just the story of any girl or boy; it's specifically Malti's story—a chronicle of rejection and resilience.

She used to live in a joint family and had cousins around her age, but she was still alone. We used to spend hours at my home playing different games, but when it was time to go home, she used to hesitate. I knew the reasons but didn't understand the impact of that at that time, but now I do.

Have you seen children making fun of each other or elders comparing children? We think that it's okay, it will help us improve, or it's just the approach taken by elders, but sometimes it has a big impact on children even if there is no wrong intention involved. That's what started happening with Malti.

Some elders used to constantly compare her with other children on cuteness, studies, and extracurricular activities, which created a mindset of low self-esteem for her. Whenever she attended family functions, she used to come to me crying and sobbing, telling me no one likes to play with me and everyone teases me. She started thinking she was not good-looking or bad in everything compared to her other cousins; no one wanted her. For a child, is this the right way to think?

As we grew, we understood the meaning of those words and their impact. For Malti, feeling good about herself and being accepted became the goal of her life.

Malti's strength was evident in her resilience. She never gave up, no matter how many times she was brought down. Her relentless efforts to rise above the negativity around her speak volumes about her character and mental strength. She chose not to respond to the hurtful words, but instead, let her actions speak for her. Today, she stands tall, a living testament to the fact that one can overcome even the most challenging circumstances. Her story is a beacon of hope, inspiring us all to believe in our own resilience and the power to overcome. Then what did she talk to me about when everything is sorted now?

"I have worked so hard to feel acceptable," she said, stirring her untouched coffee, "but I'm learning it will never be good enough because I've been chasing the wrong goal all along."

I watched tears form in her eyes—the same tears I'd seen countless times before. She continued...

Even today, when I have to speak up in meetings, my first thought is that my opinion isn't valuable. When someone compliments me, I look for their ulterior motive: are they planning a prank on me? Her voice cracked slightly. Even though that phase of her life is over, she doesn't think those memories will ever go away because they have been engraved so much into her for a long time. She asked me if she deserved that loneliness, unacceptable, and being bullied because of her looks all the time for such a long time and how someone could get rid of those memories and move ahead.

I reached across the table and took her hand, told her, you were always good enough, Malti. It's everyone else who failed to see that. You were just surrounded by people who couldn't see your worth. It's not your fault that their vision was flawed.

I don't know the correct answer to her questions, but I learned how we treat children around us. I am not the one who is an expert in all those things, nor do I know about children much. I am sure parents reading this will know the right way, but I do have one request: to find other ways to bring your children up, don't compare them with others and don't allow any of your family members to bully your child from any aspect. What was Malti's mistake in this whole scenario, yet she is the one who has suffered and is still suffering? It's tough for a child to get over these things, and it frames their future and mentality about people around them. Even after achieving so much in her life, I can see deep sadness on her face, and it breaks my heart to see such a wonderful person feel that way when all she has done her whole life is ask for little attention and acceptance.

Is it that hard for us? Are we so involved in our world that we don't realise how our words can impact others? Are these the goals that one should be chasing?