Just a thought

I wish I had the power to say something and then take it back. No, I don’t regret hurting someone with my words. Rather, I want to live that conversation and see how it goes, move onto the next without having the baggage of the first.

Maybe I could clean the slate as I wished, and have the best on the canvas always and have many of those. It seems I am given one canvas and it has to be picture perfect. I can’t play with colours and whitewash it for another. Everything stays. Everything.

I take a broad stroke and a spectrum of colours but I want to also play the wild lines and uncertain splatters into an abstract thing. I want it all. I don’t know I will have multiple lives but even if I do they would be generations apart. I want them all together and contrast those, the good, the evil, the ugly and try everything out. I hate bordering on the good with those acceptable evils and the ugliness that comes with it with the prying eyes of the judging world. I could write characters of imagination and chart a path out for each as I want, but the thrill of uncertainty would be missing. I don’t know what grain of thought led to this. The calm of routine can sometimes overwhelm you for the want of thrill. The consequence of thrill can be off putting and damaging. You get my point - I want to live all and live all at once and choose whatever at will!